MMIX

The last day of MMIX. Sometime during the course of this year I realised there was no going back. While I obviously already knew that, it became glaring in many ways. There were many moments of almost ruthless reality to contend with and I had to stand in it. When you click 'Hello, you are seriously the adult here!'. When you realise you have aged (in your mind it is like yesterday, not uh, almost 20 yrs ago, you were putting on make-up at 10.30pm to go out while listening to Kurt Cobain), how un-spontaneous you are, now our idea of a wild time is going to a late show at the cinema: nevermind that you will be asleep within the first 10 minutes of viewing and your head will drape a stranger's shoulder - yikes!

This year has been AWESOME in many ways - there were high high's but alas, there have been many times of reflection, where you couldn't turn your face and pretend things away.

And while these circumstances were occuring there was always me in the mix. I think as people we are more alike than we let on, I'm convinced I'm not the only one that has this year felt like 'I'm looking good', 'I'm not as hip as I thought I was', felt like the world's greatest mom, the worst mother ever, the family shield, the encourager, the loser, the good wife, the worrier, the warrior, the hypocrite, the fearful one, the strong one, steadfast, a wimp, overwhelmed by sadness and other times overflowing with gratitude and joy... and its all okay, the journey may be complex but it's also wondrous.

But of this I'm sure, I have not stood alone. Someone had my back. I was on my face often talking with Him. He heard. To be sure, it changes everything. I've been thinking about
how this year affected me (over the last few days) and I don't want to forget any of it, I want to be someone that has grown some character. I don't want to assume, I want to learn and know.
As Ravi Zacharias noted "The science and art of critical thinking has been humiliated in a generation that thinks with its eyes." We had to think this year, long and hard, and I don't want it to have been in vain.

As you reflect, learn from the mess and smile at the milestones!